MY OWN VERSION OF "DO HARD THINGS"

I went through an emotional roller coaster yesterday. Normally, when I say that, I often mean that I was just staring in space, feeling depressed and restless and wishing that God would make me happy. Yesterday was a more extreme case. I literally found myself crying out to God, tears trailing down my cheeks and my words muffled by sobs. It became such a difficult time for me that I couldn't even write a story which I had been so excited to put in my blog the previous night.

For the first time, I realized the gravity of making a commitment to God. I had thought at first that it was going to be a no-sweat thing. Had I known that it was going to be so hard, I would've thought twice about my decision.

You see, once upon a time, I told God and others that if I were to enter into a relationship, it would just be with one person--my wife.

I should've just kept my mouth shut.

I'm paying for that commitment. Every single day. It's tough being single and watching all those close to you experience being with their special someones. It's difficult when you don't have a "date" story to tell while those around you always do. It's hard to desire to stay pure in your thoughts and actions when your flesh constantly tempts you to go for what you want out of life. It's a crazy world.

So why make that commitment at all? Well, I'll admit. I didn't know what I was getting myself into. When I first read When God Writes Your Love Story by Eric and Leslie Ludy, I was immediately entranced by the whole concept of actually waiting on God to orchestrate the perfect relationship for you. It comes with a price, though: total surrender to His will and timing. So I thought that I could handle it.

In the portions of the book narrated by Eric, he would describe about the times he'd go through loneliness and emotional distress because of his commitment to make God write His own love story. Whenever I read his stories, I kept on trying to imagine how it must feel like to go through those kinds of episodes. Well, I'm not imagining. I'm having them. Believe me, it's not pretty.

So it's hard and it's killing you. Why continue with the commitment? I can come up with a lot of reasons why I should just give this up and get involved with someone who never left the "crush" status in my life. I can come up with convincing arguments for me to enter into some temporary relationships if just to relieve myself of emotional episodes that I go through. However, I can also quote a truth that'll convince me to stick with what I'm doing: GOD IS FAITHFUL! I want my love story to be a testimony of His faithfulness to me.

When I began to read Alex and Brett Harris' Do Hard Things, I had simply pictured doing hard things as simply going out of your comfort zone and going that extra mile to make a difference. Now, I seem to have identified the "hard thing": being single for His glory.

I must be crazy to write down something so personal here for all the world to see. But if you stumbled upon this blog and firmly believe that what I'm doing is right, please pray for me.