For the past months, I've found immense pleasure posting in my Facebook Notes random thoughts and bits and pieces of my life as a tutor rather than here in my blog. The reason for doing so? I wanted people to read my posts and react. Perhaps it's the true mark of a writer--the desire for your work to be read and evaluated.
I feel that I owe it to my blog to write something here.
I've spent the month of September juggling two jobs--a coaching job for the National Students Convention and my tutoring work in ATC. The month of October is now here and I'm still doing these two things...and more. Why? Well, it's simply because I love what I'm doing. I love being around these kids who, no matter how mischievous they can become, depend on me to help them with whatever they need. I love doing what I do best and benefitting people in the process.
When I volunteered to coach the Enfuego delegates for the NSC, I did it because I knew I could help them. I knew I had the capacity to train them and develop in them skills that I myself developed when I was also a delegate. I simply volunteered because I wanted them to experience the success and fulfillment I also did.
I was so thankful to God when I found out that I was to be compensated for my "voluntary work." All of a sudden, my monthly income suddenly doubled for the month of September just because I decided to put to good use my knowledge of writing and public speaking.
As for the experience, it has just been truly amazing. The kids are just great to be around. I feel that spending my day there training with them or simply conversing with them about random things is a worthwhile experience.
That's about it for now. I'm simply emptying my head of thoughts without really being an "elaborate" writer.
Maybe my next entry will have more of the "literary quality."
Haha!
Friday, October 2, 2009
Sunday, July 19, 2009
I JUST DON'T KNOW ANYMORE...
I was just lying in bed when I realized that...
I can't figure out what I'm supposed to do with my life.
I thought I knew; now, I'm not so sure.
I can't figure out what I'm supposed to do with my life.
I thought I knew; now, I'm not so sure.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
HOSEA
“Do you take her to be your wife, in sickness and in health, ‘til death do you part?”
The man looked deep into her eyes. Dark and piercing. It was like staring into sweet chocolate syrup being swirled around. It had finally come to this. He was marrying her. She was all his.
How easy it was for her to say “I do” when asked the question, as if it hardly crossed her mind just how big a decision she had made with those two simple English words. He, on the other hand, wanted to savor the moment. He finally had his bride.
“I do.” He could’ve sworn the Hallelujah chorus played in the background for a split second when he uttered the words. This was just too incredible a moment. He could hardly contain his delight when they were given the go-signal to kiss as husband and wife.
“I love you,” he said to her, stroking her cheek gently with his finger.
“I love you too,” she said.
***
For the next three years, the man was happy. He provided his wife with everything she needed and even everything that she wanted. She had all the appliances she would ever need for a comfortable home. She had her garden in which she could plant her flowers. She had a library in which she could immerse herself in the different worlds that only books could offer. She had everything because her husband had given her everything.
They had two children—a son and a daughter. The man promised himself that he would not only be the best husband he could be, but also the best father. He was having the time of his life taking care of his family. He felt that things would just keep getting better and better.
***
She wasn’t home. She hadn’t come home for a week.
The last time he heard from her, she hadn’t said much. She simply said, “I need to be alone for a while. I’ll be home soon.”
The week turned into a month. During the first week of the next month, he heard from a reliable source that she had been seeing someone else for the past two weeks.
***
“She didn’t love you,” the friend said. “You knew from the start that she didn’t understand what true love meant. I still find it incredible that you married her. You’re smarter than that.”
He said nothing. He was too hurt to say anything. After all he’d done for her. After all he gave her. After all the love he publicly and honestly declared for her. She had left him. She had been unfaithful.
“She must have been looking for something you couldn’t provide for her, man.” The friend shrugged before closing the door behind him.
A tear trickled down the man’s face as he softly said, “She’s looking for something she thought I can’t provide.”
***
The phone rang.
“Hello?”
“I know where she is.”
“Where?”
“Some rich guy’s penthouse.”
“Same guy as before?”
“Are you kidding? I’d say this is her sixth, not counting you. I can’t believe you’re still trying to find out where she is when it’s so obvious she doesn’t care about you. Let’s just face it. You married a who—”
He put the receiver down before he heard the “r” sound.
***
She wasn’t there for their son’s first birthday.
The man tried to put on a smile. He couldn’t.
***
He dialed a number on the phone. He waited.
“Hello?” It was the friend.
“I need someone to talk to.”
“Sure, man. Sure.”
“It’s so hard.” His voice cracked.
“I know, man. I know. Look, don’t you think you should just face the fact that she’s not coming back? Time to move on, bro. Take the kids and live your lives without her. It’s better that way—for you and for the little ones.”
That was logical. He knew that that was probably the least complicated solution to everything. Still, it wasn’t about complications. It was about his commitment.
***
It had been one year and six months since he last saw her. Since they last spoke.
He couldn’t help it.
He still missed her.
***
The phone rang.
“Hello?”
“She’s in jail.”
“What?”
“She’s turned into a godforsaken tramp. Been trying to survive in the streets…illegally.”
“I’m going to see her.”
A long pause. Followed by, “Why?”
“Because I love her.”
***
“How could I have been so stupid?” she continually asked herself. Everything she ever needed and wanted were with her the whole time. Yet, she was willing to give that all away. For what? A life that eventually destroyed her? She rested her head against the wall. Tears flowed down her eyes for a long time. She deserved to be here. She deserved to die for deserting her children and abandoning her husband.
The guard unlocks the cell door. “Someone’s bailing you out.”
She felt her heart stop for a split second. She saw him. Her husband! Why him? She couldn’t bear to see him. She felt like his gaze on her was eating her alive. She turned toward the wall and started sobbing harder than ever.
The man walked slowly to her and cupped her chin with his hand.
“Why? Why are you here?” she stammered through heavy breaths.
The man’s voice was warm and soothing as he whispered, “I’m here to take you back.”
Friday, July 10, 2009
OMG! I'M AN ADULT!
Talk about a late realization, huh?
As I write this, I'm listening to the songs of 13 the Musical on Youtube. Now I'm deep in thought. Well, not exactly deeeeeep in thought; still, I'm thinking enough to start blogging.
I suddenly realized that it's already been a decade since I turned thirteen. Ten years! Golly. I'm really getting old.
It's funny. When I was a teenager, I always looked forward to getting older. I anticipated independence and freedom. I dreamed about getting my first paycheck and buying the stuff that I want WHEN I want them. I wanted to be able to do things that grownups could do.
I think I should have enjoyed my teenage years more.
Being an adult can be really frustrating.
Or maybe I just feel this way because I'm alone.
As I write this, I'm listening to the songs of 13 the Musical on Youtube. Now I'm deep in thought. Well, not exactly deeeeeep in thought; still, I'm thinking enough to start blogging.
I suddenly realized that it's already been a decade since I turned thirteen. Ten years! Golly. I'm really getting old.
It's funny. When I was a teenager, I always looked forward to getting older. I anticipated independence and freedom. I dreamed about getting my first paycheck and buying the stuff that I want WHEN I want them. I wanted to be able to do things that grownups could do.
I think I should have enjoyed my teenage years more.
Being an adult can be really frustrating.
Or maybe I just feel this way because I'm alone.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
MY OWN VERSION OF "DO HARD THINGS"
I went through an emotional roller coaster yesterday. Normally, when I say that, I often mean that I was just staring in space, feeling depressed and restless and wishing that God would make me happy. Yesterday was a more extreme case. I literally found myself crying out to God, tears trailing down my cheeks and my words muffled by sobs. It became such a difficult time for me that I couldn't even write a story which I had been so excited to put in my blog the previous night.
For the first time, I realized the gravity of making a commitment to God. I had thought at first that it was going to be a no-sweat thing. Had I known that it was going to be so hard, I would've thought twice about my decision.
You see, once upon a time, I told God and others that if I were to enter into a relationship, it would just be with one person--my wife.
I should've just kept my mouth shut.
I'm paying for that commitment. Every single day. It's tough being single and watching all those close to you experience being with their special someones. It's difficult when you don't have a "date" story to tell while those around you always do. It's hard to desire to stay pure in your thoughts and actions when your flesh constantly tempts you to go for what you want out of life. It's a crazy world.
So why make that commitment at all? Well, I'll admit. I didn't know what I was getting myself into. When I first read When God Writes Your Love Story by Eric and Leslie Ludy, I was immediately entranced by the whole concept of actually waiting on God to orchestrate the perfect relationship for you. It comes with a price, though: total surrender to His will and timing. So I thought that I could handle it.
In the portions of the book narrated by Eric, he would describe about the times he'd go through loneliness and emotional distress because of his commitment to make God write His own love story. Whenever I read his stories, I kept on trying to imagine how it must feel like to go through those kinds of episodes. Well, I'm not imagining. I'm having them. Believe me, it's not pretty.
So it's hard and it's killing you. Why continue with the commitment? I can come up with a lot of reasons why I should just give this up and get involved with someone who never left the "crush" status in my life. I can come up with convincing arguments for me to enter into some temporary relationships if just to relieve myself of emotional episodes that I go through. However, I can also quote a truth that'll convince me to stick with what I'm doing: GOD IS FAITHFUL! I want my love story to be a testimony of His faithfulness to me.
When I began to read Alex and Brett Harris' Do Hard Things, I had simply pictured doing hard things as simply going out of your comfort zone and going that extra mile to make a difference. Now, I seem to have identified the "hard thing": being single for His glory.
I must be crazy to write down something so personal here for all the world to see. But if you stumbled upon this blog and firmly believe that what I'm doing is right, please pray for me.
For the first time, I realized the gravity of making a commitment to God. I had thought at first that it was going to be a no-sweat thing. Had I known that it was going to be so hard, I would've thought twice about my decision.
You see, once upon a time, I told God and others that if I were to enter into a relationship, it would just be with one person--my wife.
I should've just kept my mouth shut.
I'm paying for that commitment. Every single day. It's tough being single and watching all those close to you experience being with their special someones. It's difficult when you don't have a "date" story to tell while those around you always do. It's hard to desire to stay pure in your thoughts and actions when your flesh constantly tempts you to go for what you want out of life. It's a crazy world.
So why make that commitment at all? Well, I'll admit. I didn't know what I was getting myself into. When I first read When God Writes Your Love Story by Eric and Leslie Ludy, I was immediately entranced by the whole concept of actually waiting on God to orchestrate the perfect relationship for you. It comes with a price, though: total surrender to His will and timing. So I thought that I could handle it.
In the portions of the book narrated by Eric, he would describe about the times he'd go through loneliness and emotional distress because of his commitment to make God write His own love story. Whenever I read his stories, I kept on trying to imagine how it must feel like to go through those kinds of episodes. Well, I'm not imagining. I'm having them. Believe me, it's not pretty.
So it's hard and it's killing you. Why continue with the commitment? I can come up with a lot of reasons why I should just give this up and get involved with someone who never left the "crush" status in my life. I can come up with convincing arguments for me to enter into some temporary relationships if just to relieve myself of emotional episodes that I go through. However, I can also quote a truth that'll convince me to stick with what I'm doing: GOD IS FAITHFUL! I want my love story to be a testimony of His faithfulness to me.
When I began to read Alex and Brett Harris' Do Hard Things, I had simply pictured doing hard things as simply going out of your comfort zone and going that extra mile to make a difference. Now, I seem to have identified the "hard thing": being single for His glory.
I must be crazy to write down something so personal here for all the world to see. But if you stumbled upon this blog and firmly believe that what I'm doing is right, please pray for me.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
EVER HEARD OF A REJECTED PRIEST?
"You're always sharing your thoughts for all the world to see," my older brother told me during lunch yesterday.
"What do you expect?" I told him. "I'm a writer. It's what I do."
"Haha! You're so defensive. I'm not questioning your profession naman ah."
I just grin. We're worlds apart, my brother and I. He's a professional musician who thrives in the night life like a vampire. I'm a teacher-slash-writer who sometimes wakes up too early in the morning. Half of the time, we don't understand each other's line of work. I don't get the "nosebleed" musical terms he uses; he doesn't get why I blog all the time. It's hilarious, I know. Oh well. I love him just the same. ^^
***
Before I went to bed last night, I opened my Bible and ended up reading chapters 2, 3, and 4 of the book of Hosea. I wasn't really expecting to find any message that would catch my attention. Well, that was the case until I read Hosea 4:6-9:
"What do you expect?" I told him. "I'm a writer. It's what I do."
"Haha! You're so defensive. I'm not questioning your profession naman ah."
I just grin. We're worlds apart, my brother and I. He's a professional musician who thrives in the night life like a vampire. I'm a teacher-slash-writer who sometimes wakes up too early in the morning. Half of the time, we don't understand each other's line of work. I don't get the "nosebleed" musical terms he uses; he doesn't get why I blog all the time. It's hilarious, I know. Oh well. I love him just the same. ^^
***
Before I went to bed last night, I opened my Bible and ended up reading chapters 2, 3, and 4 of the book of Hosea. I wasn't really expecting to find any message that would catch my attention. Well, that was the case until I read Hosea 4:6-9:
Because you have rejected knowledge, I also reject you as my priests; because you have ignored the law of your God, I also will ignore your children. The more the priests increased, the more they sinned against me; they exchanged their glory for something disgraceful. They feed on the sins of my people and relish their wickedness. And it will be: Like people, like priests. I will punish both of them for their ways and repay them for their deeds.
What struck me in this particular passage was the fact that the Lord referred to the Israelites here as "priests." Why priests?
Priests, who were taken from the tribe of Levi, were set apart from the rest of the community because of their very important role as the spiritual leaders--the ones who communicated with God and who passed on His message to the rest of the people. Priests were in charge of a lot of ceremonies and practices done in the Tabernacle and then, later on, in the Temple. They managed the offerings, the cleansing rituals, the times of prayer--basically, they were in charge of WORSHIP.
This is where it gets interesting. In the previous passage I mentioned, the Lord refers to the Israelites as priests primarily because he chose them in the exact same way that the priests from the tribe of Levi were chosen. He set them apart!
What the Lord wanted was for the nation of Israel to be a nation that stood out as God's holy and anointed nation. What God wanted was a nation recognized for its worship to Him. Although society was divided into priests and non-priests, in God's eyes each Israelite was actually a priest because the Israelites had knowledge about who God is and therefore were the best people who could lead the rest of the world into worshiping Him.
Ideally, that's what was supposed to happen. If you look at the situation that was going on during the time of Hosea, you'd find that worship was the farthest thing from any of the Israelites' minds. The Lord looked at Israel in the same way that society looked at prostitutes. He saw them for the filth that they were. Israel was not loyal to Him at all. They engaged in sinful practices. They said one thing, but did another. In their hearts, they practiced idolatry. And it disgusted the Lord.
"They rejected knowledge!" the Lord said. What does this mean? Trace back to the time the Israelites were taken out of Egypt. Since that time, they had been witnesses to Who the Lord was. They knew about His goodness, His strength, His power, His mercy, and His wrath. They knew about His miracles, His deeds, and His love for them. That knowledge of Who God is was there for all of Israel. However, they decided to "reject" that knowledge by embracing the ways that the rest of the sinful nations were doing because they wanted to be like the rest of the world. They didn't care about being set apart and about being priests for God. They were in for the worldly lusts.
It's no wonder that the Lord was angry at Israel. I bet, though, that He was also pained by their lack of love for Him. The second half of Hosea 4:7 states, "...they exchanged their glory for something disgraceful." The way I see it, this "glory" was a special anointing given by God exclusively for the nation of Israel. It pretty much distinguished them from the rest of the people, just like how a wedding gown distinguishes the bride from the rest of the ladies in a wedding. Now, imagine how God must have felt when the nation decided to give up the special gift He gave them just so they could be like "the rest out there." It's as pathetic as seeing a bride tear up her wedding gown because she wants to look just like a bridesmaid. Get the picture? God was undoubtedly hurt by what Israel did.
So, what was the consequence of Israel's actions? Cold rejection. God decided then and there that if they were going to reject Him, then He was going to reject them. What else could he do? They treated Him and everything that He gave them like trash. What else could He do? He had no choice but to make them experience life without Him by their side. He was going to take a break--just long enough so that they could see what happens when they joined the world's bandwagon.
Ghastly huh? "Oh yes!" I hear you say. "Israel definitely got what they deserved. They needed a dose of reality!" Oh, yes. True. Israel did deserve what was coming to them. But think about this for a moment? Aren't we also like Israel in this passage? Those of us who claim to be the Lord's set-apart people and His true worshipers?
I Peter 2:9 says:
But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.
Yes, the Lord has definitely commissioned each Christian and each worshiper to be his "priests." Ever since we committed ourselves to Him and made Him Lord of our lives, He gave us the set-apart position so that we don't live like the rest of the world around us.
Let's consider how we've been living our lives lately. Have we actually been His "priests?" Or have we rejected God's presence and teachings just so that we can be like the rest of the world?
Here are some questions to ponder on:
1) What are my roles as a priest of God?
2) What actions have I done that keep me from fulfilling the priestly position that God has given me?
3) What does it truly mean to be set-apart for God?
4) What does it mean to be rejected by God? What can I do to keep myself from experiencing that rejection?
(I thank you Lord God for giving me this insight from Your Word. Lord, I give all the credit to You because it was not by my effort that I came to understand and write all this. May all those who read this be blessed and desire to know and want to please You more with their lives. Amen.)
What struck me in this particular passage was the fact that the Lord referred to the Israelites here as "priests." Why priests?
Priests, who were taken from the tribe of Levi, were set apart from the rest of the community because of their very important role as the spiritual leaders--the ones who communicated with God and who passed on His message to the rest of the people. Priests were in charge of a lot of ceremonies and practices done in the Tabernacle and then, later on, in the Temple. They managed the offerings, the cleansing rituals, the times of prayer--basically, they were in charge of WORSHIP.
This is where it gets interesting. In the previous passage I mentioned, the Lord refers to the Israelites as priests primarily because he chose them in the exact same way that the priests from the tribe of Levi were chosen. He set them apart!
What the Lord wanted was for the nation of Israel to be a nation that stood out as God's holy and anointed nation. What God wanted was a nation recognized for its worship to Him. Although society was divided into priests and non-priests, in God's eyes each Israelite was actually a priest because the Israelites had knowledge about who God is and therefore were the best people who could lead the rest of the world into worshiping Him.
Ideally, that's what was supposed to happen. If you look at the situation that was going on during the time of Hosea, you'd find that worship was the farthest thing from any of the Israelites' minds. The Lord looked at Israel in the same way that society looked at prostitutes. He saw them for the filth that they were. Israel was not loyal to Him at all. They engaged in sinful practices. They said one thing, but did another. In their hearts, they practiced idolatry. And it disgusted the Lord.
"They rejected knowledge!" the Lord said. What does this mean? Trace back to the time the Israelites were taken out of Egypt. Since that time, they had been witnesses to Who the Lord was. They knew about His goodness, His strength, His power, His mercy, and His wrath. They knew about His miracles, His deeds, and His love for them. That knowledge of Who God is was there for all of Israel. However, they decided to "reject" that knowledge by embracing the ways that the rest of the sinful nations were doing because they wanted to be like the rest of the world. They didn't care about being set apart and about being priests for God. They were in for the worldly lusts.
It's no wonder that the Lord was angry at Israel. I bet, though, that He was also pained by their lack of love for Him. The second half of Hosea 4:7 states, "...they exchanged their glory for something disgraceful." The way I see it, this "glory" was a special anointing given by God exclusively for the nation of Israel. It pretty much distinguished them from the rest of the people, just like how a wedding gown distinguishes the bride from the rest of the ladies in a wedding. Now, imagine how God must have felt when the nation decided to give up the special gift He gave them just so they could be like "the rest out there." It's as pathetic as seeing a bride tear up her wedding gown because she wants to look just like a bridesmaid. Get the picture? God was undoubtedly hurt by what Israel did.
So, what was the consequence of Israel's actions? Cold rejection. God decided then and there that if they were going to reject Him, then He was going to reject them. What else could he do? They treated Him and everything that He gave them like trash. What else could He do? He had no choice but to make them experience life without Him by their side. He was going to take a break--just long enough so that they could see what happens when they joined the world's bandwagon.
Ghastly huh? "Oh yes!" I hear you say. "Israel definitely got what they deserved. They needed a dose of reality!" Oh, yes. True. Israel did deserve what was coming to them. But think about this for a moment? Aren't we also like Israel in this passage? Those of us who claim to be the Lord's set-apart people and His true worshipers?
I Peter 2:9 says:
But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.
Yes, the Lord has definitely commissioned each Christian and each worshiper to be his "priests." Ever since we committed ourselves to Him and made Him Lord of our lives, He gave us the set-apart position so that we don't live like the rest of the world around us.
Let's consider how we've been living our lives lately. Have we actually been His "priests?" Or have we rejected God's presence and teachings just so that we can be like the rest of the world?
Here are some questions to ponder on:
1) What are my roles as a priest of God?
2) What actions have I done that keep me from fulfilling the priestly position that God has given me?
3) What does it truly mean to be set-apart for God?
4) What does it mean to be rejected by God? What can I do to keep myself from experiencing that rejection?
(I thank you Lord God for giving me this insight from Your Word. Lord, I give all the credit to You because it was not by my effort that I came to understand and write all this. May all those who read this be blessed and desire to know and want to please You more with their lives. Amen.)
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